Four Areas of Intimacy

So, many married couples get to a point in their marriage when the "fire" has faded and they're wondering if they married the right person.

They think, "Isn't that fire supposed to last 'till death do us part?'"

I say, "Yes, that fire will last 'till death do you part' if you'll continue to add the needed fuel to the fire."

"OK, what's the fuel we're supposed to add to our marriage to keep the fire burning?"

I'm glad you asked.  There are Four Areas of Intimacy that, if they are healthy in your marriage, your marriage has no choice but to be healthy.  Here they are:

Spiritual Intimacy

• Sharing spiritual things: When God grips your heart one morning during your quiet time and you weep because of what God has done, don't keep that to yourself, share it with your spouse!  Imagine walking upstairs after your quiet time while your wife is preparing breakfast and you walk up to her and say, "Tina, I've gotta share with you what God just did in me.  As I read 2 Corinthians 10:13 just now, this is what God told me about myself..."

• Praying with and for each other:  I'm not referring to adding a short blessing for your spouse at the end of prayer over your food at dinner.  I'm talking about sitting on the edge of the bed before retiring for the night, holding hands, gazing into each other's eyes and blessing one another like this.  "Father, thank you for my amazing wife.  Please bless her with a restful night's sleep tonight.  Fill her with your Spirit as she sleeps and help her to walk in your will always.  Father, I praise you for blessing me with her.  Amen."

Intellectual Intimacy

• Learn everything there is about your spouse:  This takes time and real conversation.  Ask your spouse questions and then stop and listen to the answers.  You should be the one person on earth who knows the most about your spouse.  You can ask questions like this:

1. If you could store up only one hour's worth of memory in your mind, which house of our marriage would you want to remember?
2. If you could have witnessed any biblical event, which one would you choose and why?
3. What did you dream about being when you were young?
4. What was your childhood?
5. When do you feel most loved?

Emotional Intimacy

• Learn what pushes your spouse's emotional buttons.  You should be the one person on earth who knows when something is going on that is pushing your spouse's emotional button.  This takes time and conversation to learn these things.  Ask questions like this:

1. What makes you feel happy?
2. What makes you feel sad?
3. When people say nice things about our children, how does is make you feel?
4. When people (fill in the blank) how does it make you feel?

Physical Intimacy

• This is not just in the bedroom.  Yes, it's important that your intimate moments in the bedroom are healthy and that both of you are comfortable with them.  You should also be able to talk freely about your physical intimacy moments.  You should also add some variety to your physical intimacy relationship.  
• It's also important that you keep the "fire burning" by ensuring each of you knows that you're physically attracted to the other.  Flirt with each other.  Leave little notes here and there.  Give flowers.  Be sure your spouse knows you're physically attracted to him or her.

That's it!   If you engage in all these areas of intimacy and they are healthy in your marriage, then your marriage has no choice but to be healthy.  

Have fun !